One tiny little complaint...

About the LDS religion - I probably have more, but this one cropped up again this last Sunday - Father's Day, no less - and I just feel I have to say something.

We had a talk in sacrament by some lady from the stake - not really sure who she was. It was directed to us mothers. First of all, I don't think it was appropriate for Sacrament Meeting, but I'm not in charge and maybe someone with more divine inspiration than I have set it up. I would have had a fireside or a special Sunday School lesson - but that's just me. I just really hope that on days like that Sunday, we don't have a lot of investigators. Sometimes I wonder, if it offends me or seems a bit off, what must non-members think?

I really am tired of hearing, every Sunday, how perfect other people's lives are, how they raised perfect children, how every decision they made has been the right one, how, if we would just do things their way, our lives would be perfect, too. Really, is this how to inspire people? Tell them all they are doing wrong and how you did everything right? Am I supposed to feel spiritually enlightened and uplifted by this? Well, you may - but I am here to tell you that it is hard for me to sit there and listen to it all the time. Where is the real life? The struggles to be a good mom, wife, person, daughter of God? The stress of raising children, keeping a clean house, cooking yummy and nutritious dinners every night, fulfilling your callings, being the perfect visiting teacher, homemaker? They methods and ways to help with those things and staying a worthy member without going on anti-depressants? That's what I would be interested in hearing. I don't care if you are perfect - give us some tools to work with that really work. Don't preach to me - enlighten and uplift - give hope. Teach me gospel principals, remind me of those things that we need to return to live with our Father in Heaven, tell me about the blessing available if we are living the gospel principals. That's what sacrament meeting should be about.

So, on with the talk...the lady basically got up and told us that we have to shelter our children, control their lives, make every decision for them so that they don't get into trouble - that giving them snacks, paper and pens, books, etc. in church only shows that we are bad, weak-minded parents. We have to micro-manage their lives and never let them see what the real world is about. Walk them to mutual, stay with them, never let them out of your sight; don't let them use the computer, e-mail, text, talk on the phone unless you are listening in and editing everything. If we choose anything other than this, we are failures as mothers. It is the father's job to bring home the bacon and the mother's job to be prison warden. That's about it in a nutshell.

Needless to say, I don't agree. Let me quote the Bible for a moment...Proverb 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Now, to me that means that I should do my best to teach my children right from wrong, good from evil, smart from dumb. It means that I teach them the gospel, morals, values, ethics, integrity, etc. I'm just wondering where in the scriptures it tells me to shelter my children to the point of unpreparedness. I give my children the ability to make choices for themselves and the opportunities to suffer the consequences of said choices, whether good or bad. If I am making all the choices for them, how is that training them to face the real world, to become upstanding citizens who will have the ability to make the right decisions for themselves when I am not there holding their hand? How is telling them everything to do, watching over their shoulder every day preparing them for life? If they are not allowed to make bad choices and to realize that there are natural consequences for those choices, how will they ever learn to make good choices? All that talk is doing is creating opportunities for endless victims.

I would hope that I am teaching my children well and that I am a good parent for them. I trust them to make the right decisions when faced with a challenge. I do not shelter my children very much, from the standpoint of this woman. I let them play until dark without me out there with them, I let them choose what to spend their money on - even if I don't think it's a wise decision, I let my teenager have a cellphone because it is safer for me to be able to get a hold of her when I need to and for her to have a means of getting a hold of us, even if I don't monitor all of her phonecalls (I do read most of her texts, though - safety is one thing, micro-managing is another.)

I am open with my children - we talk about sex, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, gambling and anything else they are curious about. My mantra is not just "don't do it!" It is the what's and the why's behind not doing it. It is about the consequences and the dangers. I don't believe that restricting something completely without explaining why does anything to help kids when it comes to deciding to do it or not. Sorry, mom and dad, but I feel that we were too sheltered as children. By not having open communications with my parents, I probably go into a lot more trouble than I would have otherwise. I have told my children that mistakes will be made, but they can always come to me - I will help them, I will be there for them. They will pay the consequences, but I will always be there, no matter what.

My beleif is that we should teach, love, support, guide and trust our children, but we also have to let them make mistakes, succeed and fail. We cannot control their lives and we cannot make every decision for them. We have to prepare them to go out into this evil world and to be strong enough to stand up for what they have been taught and for what they believe in. We cannot do that if they are never allowed to spread their wings a little bit in a more controlled environment.

I am not perfect - I struggle every day. My children are not perfect, either. We are doing the best we can with what we have and hopefully, with what we have taught them, "when [they are]old, [they] will not depart from it."

That's my 2 cents worth, anyway.